Thursday, 10 January 2008

Everything is annoying.

I suppose a few things aren't but I wanted to get your attention.

My dad helped me out with some money (again) tonight... I spent a bit of time trying to express what I'm trying to do at the moment (knuckle down and focus on getting myself out of financial difficulty in a nutshell) and trying to overcome my 'low self esteem' which I have recently acknowledged as being a part of me and a problem and something that is holding me back.

Bloody hard though - addressing the 'roots' of any problem. Tends to dredge up a load of crap that you'd be happier (short term) leaving buried. Not only that but it makes you really annoyed with your parents. It's not that I blame them for my low self esteem - they did everything they did because they love me. You have to try and get down to the nitty gritty of how you (probably wrongly) perceived their actions. And that, is a ball ache at least and incredibly emotionally unsettling at worst.

I think the hardest part is my mother's reaction to it all. She lacks the ability to be objective about any situation and brings all of her own emotional baggage with her to any discussion. At times like this I find it hard to have her in the room while I discuss my financial issues with my dad. She has an impoverished attitude towards life in many ways. A month or two ago she sent me a message saying 'maybe you're aiming too high'. I know what she meant but who says that to their children?!

Thing is; most of my problems are down to starting a new sales job and having to build my pipeline from scratch. Anything that I could alter to save any significant amount of money would take a couple of months and by then I'll be earning enough to keep whatever it is anyway. I need a short term fix - the long term solution is being put in place; I'm learning to budget.

Papa on the other hand is telling me that I shouldn't get another kitten until I have completely resolved my financial situation. NO PAPA!! BAD ADVICE. Everyone needs something to make them happy and a goal to aim for don't they?

No comments: