Friday, 31 October 2008

Damn The Mail and all that it stands for

I don't know about you but all this Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross business has got me wondering whether there is nothing that those of us who are sane can do to prevent the BBC from losing three enormously talented people to Daily Mail readers. If we lodged 30,000 complaints could we get them reinstated?

A tragedy and an outrage. I just hope that the 'next man' is big enough to fill Lesley Douglas' shoes.

That is not to say that I think that what they did was right.

Wednesday, 22 October 2008

I'm feeling a bit fed up actually.

I don't know why this feeling seems to have hit me today but it has and it's rubbish.

I had a bit of a cry on the phone to my dad earlier. I have a job interview tomorrow and although I really hate my job/my colleagues most of the time I'm starting to dread the idea of starting (yet another) new job and building (yet another) new pipeline.

I think the think that is really compounding it is the fact that I'll be doing it on my own again. Though the majority of the time I love my independence I've got to say; recently I have been struggling to fight off this feeling of loneliness.

I think this is largely to do with a lot of my friends having moved away. My dad has been in France for the most part of six months, and my sister has moved back to the UK so my relationship with my mother has deteriorated somewhat (since they get on a lot better and my mother doesn't need to struggle with me if she can get her female companionship fix from my sister).

I think having spent that weekend away in France recently really compounded just how used to doing everything myself I am. I couldn't help but be taken aback when A did the smallest things for me (like running my bath or taking out the rubbish) because I simply don't expect any help anymore. And when I came to that realisation - it made me feel really sad. And when I woke up back in the UK, alone again, and A's arm wasn't around me I felt so desperately lonely that it put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day.

I also feel like it's a little bit tragic that I've met someone who seems so perfect but yet again, it's someone who is 'emotionally unavailable' and is not ready for a relationship.

I suppose I've just got to do what I've always done and get on with it. Get my head down and deal with the fact that there won't be anyone around to run me a bath when I get home from work, or to make me a cup of tea in the morning. But just for tonight I'm going to let myself feel a little bit sad about it.

Thursday, 16 October 2008

My Cat

My cat is on a diet at the moment as he doesn't do enough exercise. I can't totally blame him for this because I don't let him leave the four rooms that make up my flat. Though this is because he is too stupid to survive outside. But that is probably to do with his breeding. So; still not really his fault.

He was just padding on me and I lifted his paws up. When he pulled his paws from my clasped hands he landed his entire weight just below my (thoracic) diaphragm and nearly made me sick. The worst part is, he gave me a 'that'll teach you' look. Twat.

I really don't care!

About your relationship status according to your Facebook profile so stop fucking changing it. It's really fucking annoying and I couldn't give a flying fuck whether you're married, divorced, single, gay, straight.... Fuck off!

It doesn't mean anything! Can't you see?! I've been married for the past 6 months and I've just got divorced according to Facebook. IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING!!

Wednesday, 15 October 2008

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz...

You Are a Bette!


You are a Bette -- "I must be strong"

Bettes are direct, self-reliant, self-confident, and protective.

How to Get Along with Me

  • * Stand up for yourself... and me.

  • * Be confident, strong, and direct.

  • * Don't gossip about me or betray my trust.

  • * Be vulnerable and share your feelings. See and acknowledge my tender, vulnerable side.

  • * Give me space to be alone.

  • * Acknowledge the contributions I make, but don't flatter me.

  • * I often speak in an assertive way. Don't automatically assume it's a personal attack.

  • * When I scream, curse, and stomp around, try to remember that's just the way I am.

What I Like About Being a Bette

  • * being independent and self-reliant

  • * being able to take charge and meet challenges head on

  • * being courageous, straightforward, and honest

  • * getting all the enjoyment I can out of life

  • * supporting, empowering, and protecting those close to me

  • * upholding just causes

What's Hard About Being a Bette

  • * overwhelming people with my bluntness; scaring them away when I don't intend to

  • * being restless and impatient with others' incompetence

  • * sticking my neck out for people and receiving no appreciation for it

  • * never forgetting injuries or injustices

  • * putting too much pressure on myself

  • * getting high blood pressure when people don't obey the rules or when things don't go right

Bettes as Children Often

  • * are independent; have an inner strength and a fighting spirit

  • * are sometimes loners

  • * seize control so they won't be controlled

  • * figure out others' weaknesses

  • * attack verbally or physically when provoked

  • * take charge in the family because they perceive themselves as the strongest, or grow up in difficult or abusive surroundings

Bettes as Parents

  • * are often loyal, caring, involved, and devoted

  • * are sometimes overprotective

  • * can be demanding, controlling, and rigid

Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy

Thursday, 9 October 2008

I keep forgetting to tell you the good news!

I'm an auntie, look;

I hate you all you fuckers.

Not you my friends. The twats at work.

Why is it that they can bleat and moan and whinge and whine about their 'bloated stomach's' their 'infected wisdom tooth' their 'discontinued phones' that their customers have and they all find it perfectly acceptable but if I let out so much as a sigh they're all going on about how I'm 'miserable'.

I know I moan (it's part of the reason that I started this blog) but I do like to think that I do it with a bit of wit and enthusiasm... I also think that a lot of the time I have good reason to fucking moan. Like when I've spent hours working on a deal only to find theres some shitty red-tape situation with the network that no one has ever warned me about that means I'm going to lose it and miss my target. Or when the manager decides (without warning, request or later praise) that I'm going to be responsible for creating a new corporate contract and gives me no support while I'm doing it. Admittedly sometimes I just moan because I'm a bit achy but so do those fuckers.

I had to cope with one of the ugly sisters doing a happy dance at the prospect of me being away for two days next week today. She got even more excited when I said that I might not come back. I'm not sure if she thinks it's funny or whether she knows it's not and still does it anyway. Whatever; she's still an insensitive cunt. I really cannot wait to leave.

Wednesday, 8 October 2008

All I have to do, is not have sex with him.

I can't remember whether I said so on here or not but I decided a while back that I'm not going to have casual sex anymore. I'm going to wait to have sex with someone that I can foresee having a relationship with.

Well; I'm struggling. It's been nearly two months now (TWO WHOLE MONTHS) and though I have the best intentions I'm pretty sure that spending all my time in the gym 'working out my frustrations' is not doing me any good as I spend about 70 minutes discreetly ogling all the buff young men in there. Add to this the temptation of one of the 23 year olds who works there having a bit of a crush on me and you've got a recipe for my best laid (if you'll excuse the pun) plans being cast aside in favour of some strenuous tests of my new found stamina.

I've got to admit that it does seem a bit of a shame that my new body is yet to be fully appreciated in all it's glory (ha ha), my new energy is mostly unspent... I give it a month before I cave.

I was talking to one of my other friends who works at the gym, D, and we were discussing whether I should/shouldn't go out with this guy, T, if he asked. My argument was that I'd said that I was going to wait for someone I could see myself having a relationship with and I couldn't see that happening with T. He said that I couldn't say that unless I went on a date. I said T wasn't intelligent enough. He said that might not matter. I said 'but he wouldn't find it interesting when I talk about the current financial climate!' He said 'no one finds that interesting'. Good point. What do you think? Could I have toy boy himbo? Perhaps it'd be easier. Apart from sex though; what would he offer?

On the online dating front; I have managed to attract someone resembling a young Christopher Biggins who assumes that I find him really interesting, insults my career choice and invites himself round for dinner. Despite the fact that I've been studiously ignoring him he still tries to make contact offering useful advice about training. I have this covered by two other young men (see paragraph above).

I made contact with a couple of others but the exchanges have become a bit dull already. I'm also chatting to an old school friend of my brother's on Facebook who is quite cute but I think he might be gay.

I'm going away with Mr Bug Jam this weekend to France. We're just friends now but I have a feeling that once I've had a load of alcohol I'm going to find it very difficult to control myself... All I have to do, is not have sex with him.

Saturday, 4 October 2008

What has happened to people?

I went out with my cousin last night. I haven't seen her for ages as she hasn't been coming to the gym with me - she told me that she had been having stomach pains and that the doctor had advised her to stop exercising for a while.

Last night she confessed that that wasn't entirely true and that she had become pregnant by her (insanely possessive) boyfriend and had had a termination. She already has a two year old by another man and so having an abortion was very difficult for her (as I'm sure it is for most people).

Later on in the evening we went back to her flat before I got a taxi home and she was sick. I left her and her boyfriend to it at that point and came home. At 4.30 am I got a phone call from her screaming and crying saying the he had left her after calling her a 'slag' for going out and getting drunk... After a while she calmed down and I went back to sleep.

When I called her this morning I asked her how things were and she told me they weren't good. I responded by saying that I didn't see that she'd done anything wrong. She said 'I have, I went out and got drunk while I'm pregnant'. It turns out that since having her abortion she has had unprotected sex again and that she has done a pregnancy test that has come back positive. The doctor said that it might be remnants from the last pregnancy but she is fairly sure that she is.

Further to that I saw a friend of K's out last night who told me that her boyfriend now beats her as regularly as once a week and in front of her child. This I find utterly despicable. I'm sorry but I don't feel any pity for K; I just feel angry that she can put her feelings in front of the wellbeing of her child. Way to fuck a kid up!

Now I have to ask the question; where the hell has people's sense of responsibility gone?