Tuesday, 22 November 2011

Oh Baby Baby

Hope everyone is well and sorry it's been so long; I've been a wee bit busy with work of late, amongst other things.

Things have moved on a bit in this little old life of mine. I now live with my boyfriend. Did I tell you that? Well, in theory I live with him; he got posted to Cyprus with the RAF in August so he's only home once a month. It's pretty tough. As soon as I'm used to being alone he's back and as soon as I'm used to him being here he's gone again.

My biggest dilemma at the moment though is the future and mainly the pressure to procreate. My boyfriend really wants to have children but at the moment I'm finding it hard to get my head around. Part of the problem is that he's quite naive and I'm not sure how he'll actually cope with having a child. The other part is that I am the higher earner so not only do I have to take into account giving up my sleep, my sanity, my figure, and my social life but I also have to sacrifice my income and lifestyle as well. I work in London and live in Northampton and couldn't do my job if I had a child, unless I let my partner take over what would traditionally be the mother's role. My sister in law has done this though and is constantly criticised for if (all be it behind her back).

There is a huge part of me that doesn't want to sacrifice my lifestyle but there is also a huge part of me that doesn't want to sacrifice the opportunity to be the kind of mother that my mother was to me and my siblings. And as much as it shames me to say it I want my man to recognise this and step up to the mark rather than saying 'should I concentrate on getting a lower paid job that's closer to home?' (so that I can continue in the job I have).

I really hope that when my boyfriend is back from Cyprus I will feel more supported and more ready, but at the moment I have never felt less ready to have a child.