It's Saturday night an he's supposed to be coming over. I asked him to be here between half seven and eight but got a text earlier saying that he's 'stuck at his parent's' but would be here no later than nine. He thinks that I'm going out for drinks with a friend and then he's meeting me out but my friend has had to take her toddler in to hospital (viral infection - hopefully everything should be OK).
He still hasn't called to say he's on his way - I'm sat in on my own and I'm getting the old paranoia going. I think he's going to stand me up because he thinks I'll just be able to carry on with my night with mates without too much bother.
The thing that really winds me up about this situation is that I feel like I can't call him... I also think that he's lying to me and that he's not really 'stuck at his parent's' but that he's with her. The third thing that's really making me angry is that I seem to be the one who is treating him with the most respect; giving him the most attention and yet I'm the one who gets sidelined for his f*cking parents!
This must be the age old plight of the mistress - so many women must've been here before. It doesn't surprise me that bunnies end up boiled, cars are graffitied and suits are shredded. This makes you feel worthless, and so angry that you want revenge.
It's nine o'clock - I'm going to call him.
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Dear fellow mistress,
It all begins so innocently. No woman aspires to fall in love with a married man, but they have their ways of convincing us to take a chance on them with the hope that something more will come of it.
They make you believe that they are emotionally abused, neglected and desperate to be loved. They make you feel sorry for them. And we do. Our emotions lead our hearts right down the primrose path. We know what it's like to be lonely and hurting in what they convince us is a doomed marriage.
Once they've gone out of their way to say all the right things and be so attentive that we fall madly in love with them, would do anything to protect them from being found out, then, they get in the "I can have my cake and eat it too" zone.
Then, you learn to wait for him, be stood up by him and at the same time, feel sorry for him! Your life becomes terribly lonely because you can't even tell anyone you are in love with someone, you can't be seen together in public, you can't share a life together. You spend your days and nights waiting for him.
You're good for boosting his ego, giving him the BJ's the wife won't and as long as everything is going fine with the Mrs. he will put you off. When she tears him down, you'll hear from him.
He's needy, confused and doesn't know what he wants. He can't make a decision because he's afraid to hurt anyone, so he hurts EVERYONE instead.
He is stressed with worry over being found out all the time, which makes him more distant and paranoid. You have loved and supported him after he made you believe he needed you and wanted only you. Now, things have changed.
What do you do? Do you take revenge? Telling his wife will hurt a woman who has stood by him and believed in him as well as any children involved. Revenge is no part of love... if you do love him. Some kinds of love aren't healthy and this is it sister. It's all one sided... all for him. Nothing for you.
You may have to cut him off. End the relationship. He will be hurt, but that's what he's doing to you. The reality is, he will replace you. It will be painful, but he will. Someday he'll be caught because of his own stupidity. Of this you can rest assured.
But you, hold your head up and move onto higher ground because this kind of a relationship will drown you. It will sweep you away into a sea despair and you will find yourself depressed and more alone than you've ever experienced before.
Save yourself and don't worry about him. He will obviously do ANYTHING to save himself in this. No one else matters to him really. Not his family, wife or you. It's all about HIM. Let him go.
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