I've got a date tonight. I don't want to go but I agreed to it last weekend when I was on drugs and now I don't know how to get out of it. It was supposed to be last night but last night was the only night that I could see him before I go away on Sunday - so I rearranged.
OK, so why did I rearrange rather than cancel? I dunno - I just hate doing the letting them down thing. This guy was talking to me about what it would be like if we got married and had kids and stuff.... 'cool thing to tell the grand kids; that we met at a free party, eh?'. OK so he was on drugs too but he seems really keen. He's a nice bloke but lets face it - I'm in love with someone else so it was never really a fair contest.
Why did I agree to go? So that I don't look like a mug to my mates for staying faithful to a man who is still living with another woman. Stupid really. I should feel confident enough to make a mug out of myself. I've done it before.
I spoke to him about my previous post, saying that I thought he'd been a bit insensitive. He apologised and told me that it was just a sh*t situation and that he wanted to be free to see me when he wanted; to stay over and not to have to make excuses about where he is. This placated me a bit and made me feel a bit more like I am actually a factor in his life.
He brought me spaghetti bolognese in for lunch today (that he'd cooked last night). It's getting to the point where people must realise that there is a large amount of dialogue between the two of us outside of office hours. He's relaxed about things a lot more since last week when he had that conversation with the directors. All this is just making me think that I don't want anyone else - and I feel bad about getting this poor other guy involved in my rubbish.
The other thing that I don't want to do is drive to the airport and fly to France. Don't get me wrong; I'm really looking forward to seeing my sister, I just HATE travelling. It's utterly tedious and you are constantly surrounded by people who want to fight you to get to the next fecking queue. Also of concern is that I've got to fly back with my brother in law and drive him back to town; spending all that time alone with him could cause problems - we don't always see eye-to-eye (due mainly to me being a maverick and him being a control freak).
Also before I go I have to clean the rat out and take him to my parent's house and take the cat to my mate's (which I'm very worried about in case they lose him or abduct him or he forgets who I am). I must say (fearing sounding like a mad cat woman) I am really going to miss him and I don't want to leave him! He is my favourite thing in the world. I wish I had a butler to do these chores for me. Maybe I could borrow millionaire ex's concierge phone.