Girls and girls...

1. The no win situation.

OK -EVERY girl is familiar with this one. Your mate is constantly banging on about how shit her bloke is - you know he's shit (he might even be shit to you at times) but you're not supposed to agree with her and tell her that you think he's shit (even though she more than likely tells you yours is shit). You are also not supposed to defend him as then she'll either think you fancy him or just be annoyed that you're not 'supporting' her. The third option is to say nothing and I don't care what you say; saying nothing is impossible.

2. The 'you pissed me off' situation.

I'm quite opinionated. Alright - very opinionated. One of the things that you have to make sure of when you're this opinionated is that if you upset someone with your opinion you must apologise. It's not an apology for the opinion; I don't see why I should apologise for the things I think; it's an apology for hurting that person's feelings. Simply acknowledging that they were pissed off with what you said, and endeavouring not to make the same mistake again means that you still have friends. What really gets my goat is when I say to someone 'that pissed me off' and they don't acknowledge my feelings. The just get angry at me for saying that it pissed me off, or dismiss it, or whatever. It's a small word with a big meaning - 'sorry'.

Boys and Girls: Newbie's additions...

6. Saying (even in jest) “I always fuck on a first date”
7. Swearing excessively
8. Talking about exes
9. Getting f*cking trollied
10. Belching

Boys and Girls

I am writing a list of things that boys think that that they can get away with but girls definately can't;

1. Ringing you more than once when you didn't answer the first time.
2. Talking about marriage on the first date.
3. Trying to get you pregnant.
4. Asking you if you can be their girlfriend on the second date.
5. Putting out on the first date.

Any further suggestions would be most welcome.

Message to the person who invented cobbled streets;

What the fuck were you thinking? Twat.

A day and a half

I hate to get all miserable on you but I've a few things that I feel I need to write down.

Today is the anniversary of my 'step-daughter's' death. (It's in inverted commas as I didn't actually marry the father - but we were engaged - and I was second mum for a while).

I think I've had a harder time of it this year than any other year. It might be because my closest friends - the ones who knew me when I was around her - have all moved away. I don't know. I'm having a lot of memories though. This is not the only time I remember her; I think of her at least once a day, but today has been a real struggle.

She was only four years old when she died. I was trying to keep myself busy today so I arranged to go to K's house for dinner and I thought that spending some time with her one-year-old would help to distract me. It did, he's so beautiful - so sweet and excitable and cheeky. He has a shoe fetish already!

Now that I'm home though my brain has started ticking again. I can remember the way that she smelt; the way that she used to scream the house down when I turned the shower off; her accidental smile when she was supposed to be having a tantrum and the way that she felt when I used to stroke her when I went in to check on her at night. I can remember her waking me up shouting my name and not wanting her daddy, but me (and I feel guilt for the memory).

I can remember her dad telling me that he watched them give her CPR for an hour while her mum was being sick from the trauma. I can remember him telling me that he had to tell them to stop. I can remember him saying 'I go into her bedroom and I see her pillow and I want to pick it up and smell her on it. But then I can't because I'm so scared that it won't smell of her anymore - that her smell will be gone'.

All of this makes me feel so sad.

One day soon I'll post some of my happy thoughts about her. Today I just feel sad.

Men and women

I went round to his house last night for dinner and a DVD. It was a bit weird. Photos of him and his ex everywhere and stuff but hey, what did I expect? We managed to iron a few things out though; the conversation went a bit like this:

Me: ‘I’m a bit worried that you may have just fallen into this relationship because it’s easy; that you haven’t actually chosen to be with me’

Him: silence

Me: You know - when I say things like that it’s a cue for you to say something comforting or reassuring to me. Think of it like a formula on one of your spreadsheets… I say something like that = you say something nice.

Him: Oh is it? OK I’m a fast learner. Let’s try again.

Me: OK; I’m a bit worried that you may have just fallen into this relationship because it’s easy; that you haven’t actually chosen to be with me’

Him: Errr….Ummm….


Me: Oh God.

Half an hour later….

Him: indignantly Anyway! I didn’t ‘just fall into this’ I pursued you. I took you out for dinner and bought you Dom Perignon!!

Times are changing...

Well, I got the job. I've handed in my resignation and unfortunately my present company couldn't come up with an extra £8k per year to secure my future so that's it - I'm off.

I was touched that the Technical Director almost cried but a little perturbed that he expressed such shock at this emotional reaction. After all - I have spent the last fourteen months telling everyone what a valuable asset I am - why wouldn't they cry?!

I'm looking forward to starting my new position but as I've expressed before; I do feel slight trepidation at the prospect; not to mention the 8.30 start. Princesses need their beauty sleep (best taken throughout the morning hours).

He did say that he was looking forward to taking his 'girlfriend' (that's me apparently) out for lunch. I'm aiming to take a bit of time off between the two jobs, just to relax a bit since I have been denied any decent holiday recently.