I've had a bit of a falling out with my best friend. It's been going on for a few weeks now and you know what it's like - it gets under your skin. It was over something that me and my cousin said to her at a recent barbecue, it was more my cousin really but she (my friend) holds me responsible. Figure that out. She also thinks that I should have stuck up for her.
The thing is, what was said wasn't really that bad. If my cousin had said it to me, or I'd said it to her then we would've just brushed it off. If it had annoyed us we would have just told the other to wind her neck in and that would have been it. The problem is, it was true. And my friend doesn't want to hear the truth. But she also doesn't want to stand up for herself either - she wants me to do it for her.
As a result of this bust up we had a full blown row. We haven't rowed like that for about 10 years I think - I told her even more truths. About how it's pissed me off for the last 3 years that she'll be spending the evening with me and her boyfriend will text her to 'summons' her and she'll bugger off half way through whatever it was that we were doing. She'd argue that we all want to spend time with the ones that we love, and we do, it's true. But I try not to be rude about it. I also expressed that I was worried about her relationship as I don't think her boyfriend is ever going to give her what she wants (3 years and she can't even ask if she's seeing him that night let alone broach the subject of where their relationship is going). We ended the call by agreeing to put it all behind us and move on - said that we would see each other at the weekend. But we didn't. And we didn't.
She's told her sister that from now on she's going to keep me at 'arms length'. After 17 years, one problem and I get relegated. I think that the real problem is that she wants to hide from the truth so much that she will do anything to not have to face it. And she knows that I can't lie. I just don't know how to have a friend that I have to pussy foot around. Or if not that, for there to be this huge part of her life - her relationship - that we can't talk about in case I upset her by telling her that she's not being treated right. I don't know how to have a superficial relationship with a friend of 17 years. I don't know how not to say 'I'm worried about you', 'he's not going to give you what you want'. And should I?
I know it's hard when people tell you stuff you don't want to hear. I've been there so many times. But if someone who really cares about you tells you that they're concerned surely you should listen. Shouldn't you?
I know she knows that her relationship is not right because she told me so herself but she just wants to hide from the truth for as long as possible. And I'm not sure I know how to let her.