I went out in town the other day only to find myself drowning in a sea of naked flesh. All of the young women displaying the attributes that God had blessed them with in the vain hope that a man may bless her with his attention for the evening. The whole experience made me feel sad for womankind. Like somehow the efforts of our fore-mothers had gone to waste because despite Germaine Greer's attempts to get us out from behind vacuum cleaners all women had done was use their liberation to become nothing more than animated blow up dolls... the media re-boxing us from our category of 'wife and mother' and into a new category of 'sex object'. A different kind of sucking.
It's the media who champion Katie Price as the new-age feminist when all she really does is pander to men's desires. Despite the wealth, is this woman really empowered? Has she really found 'happiness'?
As much as it may make me sound like a dried up old spinster I mainly blame the women for where we are now. I speak to young men all the time and their attitude is that I should be grateful that they are showing an interest in me, despite the fact that they have nothing to offer in the way of intellectual engagement, morals, wealth, health or general ability in anything. It is the women who have allowed themselves to become objects. It is the women who have championed this detached sexuality; the ideal of looking like a barbie doll, all pneumatic breasts and flawless brows - God help you if you look like you've had some kind of life experience... that would be so UGLY.
I would welcome the opportunity to meet someone, in a bar, who is under 30, who would actually be interested in getting to know someone new. Not because she is wearing a tiny boob tube or a ridiculously short skirt but just for the sake of learning something/someone new. For the sake of being interested in humankind.
Being an independent, empowered woman is not about how many people you can have sex with. It's not about becoming some manifestation of the ideals projected by a lads' mag, it's about looking in the mirror and saying 'this is me, my natural beauty' and being confident that you are attractive.
I see so many women offering their bodies up; there is no need for personality. And so many men accept this as the natural order. Personality comes nowhere, is non-essential. What ever happened to 'boy meets girl'?
Monday, 5 April 2010
Wednesday, 24 March 2010
The Cat That Walked By Himself
EAR and attend and listen; for this befell and behappened and became and was, O my Best Beloved, when the Tame animals were wild. The Dog was wild, and the Horse was wild, and the Cow was wild, and the Sheep was wild, and the Pig was wild--as wild as wild could be--and they walked in the Wet Wild Woods by their wild lones. But the wildest of all the wild animals was the Cat. He walked by himself, and all places were alike to him.
Of course the Man was wild too. He was dreadfully wild. He didn't even begin to be tame till he met the Woman, and she told him that she did not like living in his wild ways. She picked out a nice dry Cave, instead of a heap of wet leaves, to lie down in; and she strewed clean sand on the floor; and she lit a nice fire of wood at the back of the Cave; and she hung a dried wild-horse skin, tail-down, across the opening of the Cave; and she said, 'Wipe you feet, dear, when you come in, and now we'll keep house.'
That night, Best Beloved, they ate wild sheep roasted on the hot stones, and flavoured with wild garlic and wild pepper; and wild duck stuffed with wild rice and wild fenugreek and wild coriander; and marrow-bones of wild oxen; and wild cherries, and wild grenadillas. Then the Man went to sleep in front of the fire ever so happy; but the Woman sat up, combing her hair. She took the bone of the shoulder of mutton--the big fat blade-bone--and she looked at the wonderful marks on it, and she threw more wood on the fire, and she made a Magic. She made the First Singing Magic in the world.
Out in the Wet Wild Woods all the wild animals gathered together where they could see the light of the fire a long way off, and they wondered what it meant.
Then Wild Horse stamped with his wild foot and said, 'O my Friends and O my Enemies, why have the Man and the Woman made that great light in that great Cave, and what harm will it do us?'
Wild Dog lifted up his wild nose and smelled the smell of roast mutton, and said, 'I will go up and see and look, and say; for I think it is good. Cat, come with me.'
'Nenni!' said the Cat. 'I am the Cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to me. I will not come.'
'Then we can never be friends again,' said Wild Dog, and he trotted off to the Cave. But when he had gone a little way the Cat said to himself, 'All places are alike to me. Why should I not go too and see and look and come away at my own liking.' So he slipped after Wild Dog softly, very softly, and hid himself where he could hear everything.
When Wild Dog reached the mouth of the Cave he lifted up the dried horse-skin with his nose and sniffed the beautiful smell of the roast mutton, and the Woman, looking at the blade-bone, heard him, and laughed, and said, 'Here comes the first. Wild Thing out of the Wild Woods, what do you want?'
Wild Dog said, 'O my Enemy and Wife of my Enemy, what is this that smells so good in the Wild Woods?'
Then the Woman picked up a roasted mutton-bone and threw it to Wild Dog, and said, 'Wild Thing out of the Wild Woods, taste and try.' Wild Dog gnawed the bone, and it was more delicious than anything he had ever tasted, and he said, 'O my Enemy and Wife of my Enemy, give me another.'
The Woman said, 'Wild Thing out of the Wild Woods, help my Man to hunt through the day and guard this Cave at night, and I will give you as many roast bones as you need.'
'Ah!' said the Cat, listening. 'This is a very wise Woman, but she is not so wise as I am.'
Wild Dog crawled into the Cave and laid his head on the Woman's lap, and said, 'O my Friend and Wife of my Friend, I will help Your Man to hunt through the day, and at night I will guard your Cave.'
'Ah!' said the Cat, listening. 'That is a very foolish Dog.' And he went back through the Wet Wild Woods waving his wild tail, and walking by his wild lone. But he never told anybody.
When the Man waked up he said, 'What is Wild Dog doing here?' And the Woman said, 'His name is not Wild Dog any more, but the First Friend, because he will be our friend for always and always and always. Take him with you when you go hunting.'
Next night the Woman cut great green armfuls of fresh grass from the water-meadows, and dried it before the fire, so that it smelt like new-mown hay, and she sat at the mouth of the Cave and plaited a halter out of horse-hide, and she looked at the shoulder of mutton-bone--at the big broad blade-bone--and she made a Magic. She made the Second Singing Magic in the world.
Out in the Wild Woods all the wild animals wondered what had happened to Wild Dog, and at last Wild Horse stamped with his foot and said, 'I will go and see and say why Wild Dog has not returned. Cat, come with me.'
'Nenni!' said the Cat. 'I am the Cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to me. I will not come.' But all the same he followed Wild Horse softly, very softly, and hid himself where he could hear everything.
When the Woman heard Wild Horse tripping and stumbling on his long mane, she laughed and said, 'Here comes the second. Wild Thing out of the Wild Woods what do you want?'
Wild Horse said, 'O my Enemy and Wife of my Enemy, where is Wild Dog?'
The Woman laughed, and picked up the blade-bone and looked at it, and said, 'Wild Thing out of the Wild Woods, you did not come here for Wild Dog, but for the sake of this good grass.'
And Wild Horse, tripping and stumbling on his long mane, said, 'That is true; give it me to eat.'
The Woman said, 'Wild Thing out of the Wild Woods, bend your wild head and wear what I give you, and you shall eat the wonderful grass three times a day.'
'Ah,' said the Cat, listening, 'this is a clever Woman, but she is not so clever as I am.' Wild Horse bent his wild head, and the Woman slipped the plaited hide halter over it, and Wild Horse breathed on the Woman's feet and said, 'O my Mistress, and Wife of my Master, I will be your servant for the sake of the wonderful grass.'
'Ah,' said the Cat, listening, 'that is a very foolish Horse.' And he went back through the Wet Wild Woods, waving his wild tail and walking by his wild lone. But he never told anybody.
When the Man and the Dog came back from hunting, the Man said, 'What is Wild Horse doing here?' And the Woman said, 'His name is not Wild Horse any more, but the First Servant, because he will carry us from place to place for always and always and always. Ride on his back when you go hunting.
Next day, holding her wild head high that her wild horns should not catch in the wild trees, Wild Cow came up to the Cave, and the Cat followed, and hid himself just the same as before; and everything happened just the same as before; and the Cat said the same things as before, and when Wild Cow had promised to give her milk to the Woman every day in exchange for the wonderful grass, the Cat went back through the Wet Wild Woods waving his wild tail and walking by his wild lone, just the same as before. But he never told anybody. And when the Man and the Horse and the Dog came home from hunting and asked the same questions same as before, the Woman said, 'Her name is not Wild Cow any more, but the Giver of Good Food. She will give us the warm white milk for always and always and always, and I will take care of her while you and the First Friend and the First Servant go hunting.
Next day the Cat waited to see if any other Wild thing would go up to the Cave, but no one moved in the Wet Wild Woods, so the Cat walked there by himself; and he saw the Woman milking the Cow, and he saw the light of the fire in the Cave, and he smelt the smell of the warm white milk.
Cat said, 'O my Enemy and Wife of my Enemy, where did Wild Cow go?'
The Woman laughed and said, 'Wild Thing out of the Wild Woods, go back to the Woods again, for I have braided up my hair, and I have put away the magic blade-bone, and we have no more need of either friends or servants in our Cave.
Cat said, 'I am not a friend, and I am not a servant. I am the Cat who walks by himself, and I wish to come into your cave.'
Woman said, 'Then why did you not come with First Friend on the first night?'
Cat grew very angry and said, 'Has Wild Dog told tales of me?'
Then the Woman laughed and said, 'You are the Cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to you. Your are neither a friend nor a servant. You have said it yourself. Go away and walk by yourself in all places alike.'
Then Cat pretended to be sorry and said, 'Must I never come into the Cave? Must I never sit by the warm fire? Must I never drink the warm white milk? You are very wise and very beautiful. You should not be cruel even to a Cat.'
Woman said, 'I knew I was wise, but I did not know I was beautiful. So I will make a bargain with you. If ever I say one word in your praise you may come into the Cave.'
'And if you say two words in my praise?' said the Cat.
'I never shall,' said the Woman, 'but if I say two words in your praise, you may sit by the fire in the Cave.'
'And if you say three words?' said the Cat.
'I never shall,' said the Woman, 'but if I say three words in your praise, you may drink the warm white milk three times a day for always and always and always.'
Then the Cat arched his back and said, 'Now let the Curtain at the mouth of the Cave, and the Fire at the back of the Cave, and the Milk-pots that stand beside the Fire, remember what my Enemy and the Wife of my Enemy has said.' And he went away through the Wet Wild Woods waving his wild tail and walking by his wild lone.
That night when the Man and the Horse and the Dog came home from hunting, the Woman did not tell them of the bargain that she had made with the Cat, because she was afraid that they might not like it.
Cat went far and far away and hid himself in the Wet Wild Woods by his wild lone for a long time till the Woman forgot all about him. Only the Bat--the little upside-down Bat--that hung inside the Cave, knew where Cat hid; and every evening Bat would fly to Cat with news of what was happening.
One evening Bat said, 'There is a Baby in the Cave. He is new and pink and fat and small, and the Woman is very fond of him.'
'Ah,' said the Cat, listening, 'but what is the Baby fond of?'
'He is fond of things that are soft and tickle,' said the Bat. 'He is fond of warm things to hold in his arms when he goes to sleep. He is fond of being played with. He is fond of all those things.'
'Ah,' said the Cat, listening, 'then my time has come.'
Next night Cat walked through the Wet Wild Woods and hid very near the Cave till morning-time, and Man and Dog and Horse went hunting. The Woman was busy cooking that morning, and the Baby cried and interrupted. So she carried him outside the Cave and gave him a handful of pebbles to play with. But still the Baby cried.
Then the Cat put out his paddy paw and patted the Baby on the cheek, and it cooed; and the Cat rubbed against its fat knees and tickled it under its fat chin with his tail. And the Baby laughed; and the Woman heard him and smiled.
Then the Bat--the little upside-down bat--that hung in the mouth of the Cave said, 'O my Hostess and Wife of my Host and Mother of my Host's Son, a Wild Thing from the Wild Woods is most beautifully playing with your Baby.'
'A blessing on that Wild Thing whoever he may be,' said the Woman, straightening her back, 'for I was a busy woman this morning and he has done me a service.'
That very minute and second, Best Beloved, the dried horse-skin Curtain that was stretched tail-down at the mouth of the Cave fell down--whoosh!--because it remembered the bargain she had made with the Cat, and when the Woman went to pick it up--lo and behold!--the Cat was sitting quite comfy inside the Cave.
'O my Enemy and Wife of my Enemy and Mother of my Enemy,' said the Cat, 'it is I: for you have spoken a word in my praise, and now I can sit within the Cave for always and always and always. But still I am the Cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to me.'
The Woman was very angry, and shut her lips tight and took up her spinning-wheel and began to spin. But the Baby cried because the Cat had gone away, and the Woman could not hush it, for it struggled and kicked and grew black in the face.
'O my Enemy and Wife of my Enemy and Mother of my Enemy,' said the Cat, 'take a strand of the wire that you are spinning and tie it to your spinning-whorl and drag it along the floor, and I will show you a magic that shall make your Baby laugh as loudly as he is now crying.'
'I will do so,' said the Woman, 'because I am at my wits' end; but I will not thank you for it.'
She tied the thread to the little clay spindle whorl and drew it across the floor, and the Cat ran after it and patted it with his paws and rolled head over heels, and tossed it backward over his shoulder and chased it between his hind-legs and pretended to lose it, and pounced down upon it again, till the Baby laughed as loudly as it had been crying, and scrambled after the Cat and frolicked all over the Cave till it grew tired and settled down to sleep with the Cat in its arms.
'Now,' said the Cat, 'I will sing the Baby a song that shall keep him asleep for an hour. And he began to purr, loud and low, low and loud, till the Baby fell fast asleep. The Woman smiled as she looked down upon the two of them and said, 'That was wonderfully done. No question but you are very clever, O Cat.'
That very minute and second, Best Beloved, the smoke of the fire at the back of the Cave came down in clouds from the roof--puff!--because it remembered the bargain she had made with the Cat, and when it had cleared away--lo and behold!--the Cat was sitting quite comfy close to the fire.
'O my Enemy and Wife of my Enemy and Mother of My Enemy,' said the Cat, 'it is I, for you have spoken a second word in my praise, and now I can sit by the warm fire at the back of the Cave for always and always and always. But still I am the Cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to me.'
Then the Woman was very very angry, and let down her hair and put more wood on the fire and brought out the broad blade-bone of the shoulder of mutton and began to make a Magic that should prevent her from saying a third word in praise of the Cat. It was not a Singing Magic, Best Beloved, it was a Still Magic; and by and by the Cave grew so still that a little wee-wee mouse crept out of a corner and ran across the floor.
'O my Enemy and Wife of my Enemy and Mother of my Enemy,' said the Cat, 'is that little mouse part of your magic?'
'Ouh! Chee! No indeed!' said the Woman, and she dropped the blade-bone and jumped upon the footstool in front of the fire and braided up her hair very quick for fear that the mouse should run up it.
'Ah,' said the Cat, watching, 'then the mouse will do me no harm if I eat it?'
'No,' said the Woman, braiding up her hair, 'eat it quickly and I will ever be grateful to you.'
Cat made one jump and caught the little mouse, and the Woman said, 'A hundred thanks. Even the First Friend is not quick enough to catch little mice as you have done. You must be very wise.'
That very moment and second, O Best Beloved, the Milk-pot that stood by the fire cracked in two pieces--ffft--because it remembered the bargain she had made with the Cat, and when the Woman jumped down from the footstool--lo and behold!--the Cat was lapping up the warm white milk that lay in one of the broken pieces.
'O my Enemy and Wife of my Enemy and Mother of my Enemy, said the Cat, 'it is I; for you have spoken three words in my praise, and now I can drink the warm white milk three times a day for always and always and always. But still I am the Cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to me.'
Then the Woman laughed and set the Cat a bowl of the warm white milk and said, 'O Cat, you are as clever as a man, but remember that your bargain was not made with the Man or the Dog, and I do not know what they will do when they come home.'
'What is that to me?' said the Cat. 'If I have my place in the Cave by the fire and my warm white milk three times a day I do not care what the Man or the Dog can do.'
That evening when the Man and the Dog came into the Cave, the Woman told them all the story of the bargain while the Cat sat by the fire and smiled. Then the Man said, 'Yes, but he has not made a bargain with me or with all proper Men after me.' Then he took off his two leather boots and he took up his little stone axe (that makes three) and he fetched a piece of wood and a hatchet (that is five altogether), and he set them out in a row and he said, 'Now we will make our bargain. If you do not catch mice when you are in the Cave for always and always and always, I will throw these five things at you whenever I see you, and so shall all proper Men do after me.'
'Ah,' said the Woman, listening, 'this is a very clever Cat, but he is not so clever as my Man.'
The Cat counted the five things (and they looked very knobby) and he said, 'I will catch mice when I am in the Cave for always and always and always; but still I am the Cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to me.'
'Not when I am near,' said the Man. 'If you had not said that last I would have put all these things away for always and always and always; but I am now going to throw my two boots and my little stone axe (that makes three) at you whenever I meet you. And so shall all proper Men do after me!'
Then the Dog said, 'Wait a minute. He has not made a bargain with me or with all proper Dogs after me.' And he showed his teeth and said, 'If you are not kind to the Baby while I am in the Cave for always and always and always, I will hunt you till I catch you, and when I catch you I will bite you. And so shall all proper Dogs do after me.'
'Ah,' said the Woman, listening, 'this is a very clever Cat, but he is not so clever as the Dog.'
Cat counted the Dog's teeth (and they looked very pointed) and he said, 'I will be kind to the Baby while I am in the Cave, as long as he does not pull my tail too hard, for always and always and always. But still I am the Cat that walks by himself, and all places are alike to me.'
'Not when I am near,' said the Dog. 'If you had not said that last I would have shut my mouth for always and always and always; but now I am going to hunt you up a tree whenever I meet you. And so shall all proper Dogs do after me.'
Then the Man threw his two boots and his little stone axe (that makes three) at the Cat, and the Cat ran out of the Cave and the Dog chased him up a tree; and from that day to this, Best Beloved, three proper Men out of five will always throw things at a Cat whenever they meet him, and all proper Dogs will chase him up a tree. But the Cat keeps his side of the bargain too. He will kill mice and he will be kind to Babies when he is in the house, just as long as they do not pull his tail too hard. But when he has done that, and between times, and when the moon gets up and night comes, he is the Cat that walks by himself, and all places are alike to him. Then he goes out to the Wet Wild Woods or up the Wet Wild Trees or on the Wet Wild Roofs, waving his wild tail and walking by his wild lone.
Of course the Man was wild too. He was dreadfully wild. He didn't even begin to be tame till he met the Woman, and she told him that she did not like living in his wild ways. She picked out a nice dry Cave, instead of a heap of wet leaves, to lie down in; and she strewed clean sand on the floor; and she lit a nice fire of wood at the back of the Cave; and she hung a dried wild-horse skin, tail-down, across the opening of the Cave; and she said, 'Wipe you feet, dear, when you come in, and now we'll keep house.'
That night, Best Beloved, they ate wild sheep roasted on the hot stones, and flavoured with wild garlic and wild pepper; and wild duck stuffed with wild rice and wild fenugreek and wild coriander; and marrow-bones of wild oxen; and wild cherries, and wild grenadillas. Then the Man went to sleep in front of the fire ever so happy; but the Woman sat up, combing her hair. She took the bone of the shoulder of mutton--the big fat blade-bone--and she looked at the wonderful marks on it, and she threw more wood on the fire, and she made a Magic. She made the First Singing Magic in the world.
Out in the Wet Wild Woods all the wild animals gathered together where they could see the light of the fire a long way off, and they wondered what it meant.
Then Wild Horse stamped with his wild foot and said, 'O my Friends and O my Enemies, why have the Man and the Woman made that great light in that great Cave, and what harm will it do us?'
Wild Dog lifted up his wild nose and smelled the smell of roast mutton, and said, 'I will go up and see and look, and say; for I think it is good. Cat, come with me.'
'Nenni!' said the Cat. 'I am the Cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to me. I will not come.'
'Then we can never be friends again,' said Wild Dog, and he trotted off to the Cave. But when he had gone a little way the Cat said to himself, 'All places are alike to me. Why should I not go too and see and look and come away at my own liking.' So he slipped after Wild Dog softly, very softly, and hid himself where he could hear everything.
When Wild Dog reached the mouth of the Cave he lifted up the dried horse-skin with his nose and sniffed the beautiful smell of the roast mutton, and the Woman, looking at the blade-bone, heard him, and laughed, and said, 'Here comes the first. Wild Thing out of the Wild Woods, what do you want?'
Wild Dog said, 'O my Enemy and Wife of my Enemy, what is this that smells so good in the Wild Woods?'
Then the Woman picked up a roasted mutton-bone and threw it to Wild Dog, and said, 'Wild Thing out of the Wild Woods, taste and try.' Wild Dog gnawed the bone, and it was more delicious than anything he had ever tasted, and he said, 'O my Enemy and Wife of my Enemy, give me another.'
The Woman said, 'Wild Thing out of the Wild Woods, help my Man to hunt through the day and guard this Cave at night, and I will give you as many roast bones as you need.'
'Ah!' said the Cat, listening. 'This is a very wise Woman, but she is not so wise as I am.'
Wild Dog crawled into the Cave and laid his head on the Woman's lap, and said, 'O my Friend and Wife of my Friend, I will help Your Man to hunt through the day, and at night I will guard your Cave.'
'Ah!' said the Cat, listening. 'That is a very foolish Dog.' And he went back through the Wet Wild Woods waving his wild tail, and walking by his wild lone. But he never told anybody.
When the Man waked up he said, 'What is Wild Dog doing here?' And the Woman said, 'His name is not Wild Dog any more, but the First Friend, because he will be our friend for always and always and always. Take him with you when you go hunting.'
Next night the Woman cut great green armfuls of fresh grass from the water-meadows, and dried it before the fire, so that it smelt like new-mown hay, and she sat at the mouth of the Cave and plaited a halter out of horse-hide, and she looked at the shoulder of mutton-bone--at the big broad blade-bone--and she made a Magic. She made the Second Singing Magic in the world.
Out in the Wild Woods all the wild animals wondered what had happened to Wild Dog, and at last Wild Horse stamped with his foot and said, 'I will go and see and say why Wild Dog has not returned. Cat, come with me.'
'Nenni!' said the Cat. 'I am the Cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to me. I will not come.' But all the same he followed Wild Horse softly, very softly, and hid himself where he could hear everything.
When the Woman heard Wild Horse tripping and stumbling on his long mane, she laughed and said, 'Here comes the second. Wild Thing out of the Wild Woods what do you want?'
Wild Horse said, 'O my Enemy and Wife of my Enemy, where is Wild Dog?'
The Woman laughed, and picked up the blade-bone and looked at it, and said, 'Wild Thing out of the Wild Woods, you did not come here for Wild Dog, but for the sake of this good grass.'
And Wild Horse, tripping and stumbling on his long mane, said, 'That is true; give it me to eat.'
The Woman said, 'Wild Thing out of the Wild Woods, bend your wild head and wear what I give you, and you shall eat the wonderful grass three times a day.'
'Ah,' said the Cat, listening, 'this is a clever Woman, but she is not so clever as I am.' Wild Horse bent his wild head, and the Woman slipped the plaited hide halter over it, and Wild Horse breathed on the Woman's feet and said, 'O my Mistress, and Wife of my Master, I will be your servant for the sake of the wonderful grass.'
'Ah,' said the Cat, listening, 'that is a very foolish Horse.' And he went back through the Wet Wild Woods, waving his wild tail and walking by his wild lone. But he never told anybody.
When the Man and the Dog came back from hunting, the Man said, 'What is Wild Horse doing here?' And the Woman said, 'His name is not Wild Horse any more, but the First Servant, because he will carry us from place to place for always and always and always. Ride on his back when you go hunting.
Next day, holding her wild head high that her wild horns should not catch in the wild trees, Wild Cow came up to the Cave, and the Cat followed, and hid himself just the same as before; and everything happened just the same as before; and the Cat said the same things as before, and when Wild Cow had promised to give her milk to the Woman every day in exchange for the wonderful grass, the Cat went back through the Wet Wild Woods waving his wild tail and walking by his wild lone, just the same as before. But he never told anybody. And when the Man and the Horse and the Dog came home from hunting and asked the same questions same as before, the Woman said, 'Her name is not Wild Cow any more, but the Giver of Good Food. She will give us the warm white milk for always and always and always, and I will take care of her while you and the First Friend and the First Servant go hunting.
Next day the Cat waited to see if any other Wild thing would go up to the Cave, but no one moved in the Wet Wild Woods, so the Cat walked there by himself; and he saw the Woman milking the Cow, and he saw the light of the fire in the Cave, and he smelt the smell of the warm white milk.
Cat said, 'O my Enemy and Wife of my Enemy, where did Wild Cow go?'
The Woman laughed and said, 'Wild Thing out of the Wild Woods, go back to the Woods again, for I have braided up my hair, and I have put away the magic blade-bone, and we have no more need of either friends or servants in our Cave.
Cat said, 'I am not a friend, and I am not a servant. I am the Cat who walks by himself, and I wish to come into your cave.'
Woman said, 'Then why did you not come with First Friend on the first night?'
Cat grew very angry and said, 'Has Wild Dog told tales of me?'
Then the Woman laughed and said, 'You are the Cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to you. Your are neither a friend nor a servant. You have said it yourself. Go away and walk by yourself in all places alike.'
Then Cat pretended to be sorry and said, 'Must I never come into the Cave? Must I never sit by the warm fire? Must I never drink the warm white milk? You are very wise and very beautiful. You should not be cruel even to a Cat.'
Woman said, 'I knew I was wise, but I did not know I was beautiful. So I will make a bargain with you. If ever I say one word in your praise you may come into the Cave.'
'And if you say two words in my praise?' said the Cat.
'I never shall,' said the Woman, 'but if I say two words in your praise, you may sit by the fire in the Cave.'
'And if you say three words?' said the Cat.
'I never shall,' said the Woman, 'but if I say three words in your praise, you may drink the warm white milk three times a day for always and always and always.'
Then the Cat arched his back and said, 'Now let the Curtain at the mouth of the Cave, and the Fire at the back of the Cave, and the Milk-pots that stand beside the Fire, remember what my Enemy and the Wife of my Enemy has said.' And he went away through the Wet Wild Woods waving his wild tail and walking by his wild lone.
That night when the Man and the Horse and the Dog came home from hunting, the Woman did not tell them of the bargain that she had made with the Cat, because she was afraid that they might not like it.
Cat went far and far away and hid himself in the Wet Wild Woods by his wild lone for a long time till the Woman forgot all about him. Only the Bat--the little upside-down Bat--that hung inside the Cave, knew where Cat hid; and every evening Bat would fly to Cat with news of what was happening.
One evening Bat said, 'There is a Baby in the Cave. He is new and pink and fat and small, and the Woman is very fond of him.'
'Ah,' said the Cat, listening, 'but what is the Baby fond of?'
'He is fond of things that are soft and tickle,' said the Bat. 'He is fond of warm things to hold in his arms when he goes to sleep. He is fond of being played with. He is fond of all those things.'
'Ah,' said the Cat, listening, 'then my time has come.'
Next night Cat walked through the Wet Wild Woods and hid very near the Cave till morning-time, and Man and Dog and Horse went hunting. The Woman was busy cooking that morning, and the Baby cried and interrupted. So she carried him outside the Cave and gave him a handful of pebbles to play with. But still the Baby cried.
Then the Cat put out his paddy paw and patted the Baby on the cheek, and it cooed; and the Cat rubbed against its fat knees and tickled it under its fat chin with his tail. And the Baby laughed; and the Woman heard him and smiled.
Then the Bat--the little upside-down bat--that hung in the mouth of the Cave said, 'O my Hostess and Wife of my Host and Mother of my Host's Son, a Wild Thing from the Wild Woods is most beautifully playing with your Baby.'
'A blessing on that Wild Thing whoever he may be,' said the Woman, straightening her back, 'for I was a busy woman this morning and he has done me a service.'
That very minute and second, Best Beloved, the dried horse-skin Curtain that was stretched tail-down at the mouth of the Cave fell down--whoosh!--because it remembered the bargain she had made with the Cat, and when the Woman went to pick it up--lo and behold!--the Cat was sitting quite comfy inside the Cave.
'O my Enemy and Wife of my Enemy and Mother of my Enemy,' said the Cat, 'it is I: for you have spoken a word in my praise, and now I can sit within the Cave for always and always and always. But still I am the Cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to me.'
The Woman was very angry, and shut her lips tight and took up her spinning-wheel and began to spin. But the Baby cried because the Cat had gone away, and the Woman could not hush it, for it struggled and kicked and grew black in the face.
'O my Enemy and Wife of my Enemy and Mother of my Enemy,' said the Cat, 'take a strand of the wire that you are spinning and tie it to your spinning-whorl and drag it along the floor, and I will show you a magic that shall make your Baby laugh as loudly as he is now crying.'
'I will do so,' said the Woman, 'because I am at my wits' end; but I will not thank you for it.'
She tied the thread to the little clay spindle whorl and drew it across the floor, and the Cat ran after it and patted it with his paws and rolled head over heels, and tossed it backward over his shoulder and chased it between his hind-legs and pretended to lose it, and pounced down upon it again, till the Baby laughed as loudly as it had been crying, and scrambled after the Cat and frolicked all over the Cave till it grew tired and settled down to sleep with the Cat in its arms.
'Now,' said the Cat, 'I will sing the Baby a song that shall keep him asleep for an hour. And he began to purr, loud and low, low and loud, till the Baby fell fast asleep. The Woman smiled as she looked down upon the two of them and said, 'That was wonderfully done. No question but you are very clever, O Cat.'
That very minute and second, Best Beloved, the smoke of the fire at the back of the Cave came down in clouds from the roof--puff!--because it remembered the bargain she had made with the Cat, and when it had cleared away--lo and behold!--the Cat was sitting quite comfy close to the fire.
'O my Enemy and Wife of my Enemy and Mother of My Enemy,' said the Cat, 'it is I, for you have spoken a second word in my praise, and now I can sit by the warm fire at the back of the Cave for always and always and always. But still I am the Cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to me.'
Then the Woman was very very angry, and let down her hair and put more wood on the fire and brought out the broad blade-bone of the shoulder of mutton and began to make a Magic that should prevent her from saying a third word in praise of the Cat. It was not a Singing Magic, Best Beloved, it was a Still Magic; and by and by the Cave grew so still that a little wee-wee mouse crept out of a corner and ran across the floor.
'O my Enemy and Wife of my Enemy and Mother of my Enemy,' said the Cat, 'is that little mouse part of your magic?'
'Ouh! Chee! No indeed!' said the Woman, and she dropped the blade-bone and jumped upon the footstool in front of the fire and braided up her hair very quick for fear that the mouse should run up it.
'Ah,' said the Cat, watching, 'then the mouse will do me no harm if I eat it?'
'No,' said the Woman, braiding up her hair, 'eat it quickly and I will ever be grateful to you.'
Cat made one jump and caught the little mouse, and the Woman said, 'A hundred thanks. Even the First Friend is not quick enough to catch little mice as you have done. You must be very wise.'
That very moment and second, O Best Beloved, the Milk-pot that stood by the fire cracked in two pieces--ffft--because it remembered the bargain she had made with the Cat, and when the Woman jumped down from the footstool--lo and behold!--the Cat was lapping up the warm white milk that lay in one of the broken pieces.
'O my Enemy and Wife of my Enemy and Mother of my Enemy, said the Cat, 'it is I; for you have spoken three words in my praise, and now I can drink the warm white milk three times a day for always and always and always. But still I am the Cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to me.'
Then the Woman laughed and set the Cat a bowl of the warm white milk and said, 'O Cat, you are as clever as a man, but remember that your bargain was not made with the Man or the Dog, and I do not know what they will do when they come home.'
'What is that to me?' said the Cat. 'If I have my place in the Cave by the fire and my warm white milk three times a day I do not care what the Man or the Dog can do.'
That evening when the Man and the Dog came into the Cave, the Woman told them all the story of the bargain while the Cat sat by the fire and smiled. Then the Man said, 'Yes, but he has not made a bargain with me or with all proper Men after me.' Then he took off his two leather boots and he took up his little stone axe (that makes three) and he fetched a piece of wood and a hatchet (that is five altogether), and he set them out in a row and he said, 'Now we will make our bargain. If you do not catch mice when you are in the Cave for always and always and always, I will throw these five things at you whenever I see you, and so shall all proper Men do after me.'
'Ah,' said the Woman, listening, 'this is a very clever Cat, but he is not so clever as my Man.'
The Cat counted the five things (and they looked very knobby) and he said, 'I will catch mice when I am in the Cave for always and always and always; but still I am the Cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to me.'
'Not when I am near,' said the Man. 'If you had not said that last I would have put all these things away for always and always and always; but I am now going to throw my two boots and my little stone axe (that makes three) at you whenever I meet you. And so shall all proper Men do after me!'
Then the Dog said, 'Wait a minute. He has not made a bargain with me or with all proper Dogs after me.' And he showed his teeth and said, 'If you are not kind to the Baby while I am in the Cave for always and always and always, I will hunt you till I catch you, and when I catch you I will bite you. And so shall all proper Dogs do after me.'
'Ah,' said the Woman, listening, 'this is a very clever Cat, but he is not so clever as the Dog.'
Cat counted the Dog's teeth (and they looked very pointed) and he said, 'I will be kind to the Baby while I am in the Cave, as long as he does not pull my tail too hard, for always and always and always. But still I am the Cat that walks by himself, and all places are alike to me.'
'Not when I am near,' said the Dog. 'If you had not said that last I would have shut my mouth for always and always and always; but now I am going to hunt you up a tree whenever I meet you. And so shall all proper Dogs do after me.'
Then the Man threw his two boots and his little stone axe (that makes three) at the Cat, and the Cat ran out of the Cave and the Dog chased him up a tree; and from that day to this, Best Beloved, three proper Men out of five will always throw things at a Cat whenever they meet him, and all proper Dogs will chase him up a tree. But the Cat keeps his side of the bargain too. He will kill mice and he will be kind to Babies when he is in the house, just as long as they do not pull his tail too hard. But when he has done that, and between times, and when the moon gets up and night comes, he is the Cat that walks by himself, and all places are alike to him. Then he goes out to the Wet Wild Woods or up the Wet Wild Trees or on the Wet Wild Roofs, waving his wild tail and walking by his wild lone.
Wednesday, 3 March 2010
I have not the time...
So I am writing a list. Two lists.
Things I don't like;
Doing the cleaning
Painting my nails
Being late and having to rush
Pot holes
Toothache
Storage heating
My car park looking like a rubbish dump
People with 'agendas'
People who label you and then refuse to change their opinion despite contrary evidence
Things I like;
My cat
Having a clean house
Having painted nails
The feeling I get after having been to the gym
My car's computer telling me that it's 17,000 miles until my next service is due
Fruit
My family
Nice handbags
Winning business
That'll do for now.
Things I don't like;
Doing the cleaning
Painting my nails
Being late and having to rush
Pot holes
Toothache
Storage heating
My car park looking like a rubbish dump
People with 'agendas'
People who label you and then refuse to change their opinion despite contrary evidence
Things I like;
My cat
Having a clean house
Having painted nails
The feeling I get after having been to the gym
My car's computer telling me that it's 17,000 miles until my next service is due
Fruit
My family
Nice handbags
Winning business
That'll do for now.
Tuesday, 23 February 2010
Alright Y'all
Long time no see.
It only takes a bit of flattery to spur me into action. One nice comment and I think 'hmm, maybe I should start writing again.
I'm not going to read my last post as I reckon it will make me puke. Thinking about that bloke usually makes me feel like that. I've never been able to work out how you can go from thinking that you might just fall in love with someone to wondering how on earth you were ever attracted to them. Ever. I actually feel physically repulsed at the thought of him and then immediately after that feel guilty for feeling like that because he didn't really do anything wrong. He just drank to much. And smoked too much. And called me 'babe'. And he'd walk in to my flat and say 'put telly on babe'. I should've known then.
I blame my friends. They're always saying 'oh give him a chance... don't do what you normally do and find reasons for it not to work'. I'm not FINDING reasons, they are just there.
Anyway - no chance of me being a smug couply person.
Muchos good news though; I managed to land my dream job... Now all I have to do is make sure I consistently sell loads of shit (not literally shit) in order to keep it. No pressure. It means working 60 hour weeks, if not 70 but I'm hoping that it's going to be worth it. I'm in this one for the long haul.
The only trouble with working this hard is that you lose your ability to spend your time doing trivial stuff like watching TV or noodling on Facebook. Not much of a sacrifice though really.
The other thing that I find slightly irritating is that I appear to have swapped one bunch of negative colleagues for another. Seriously - the guys at my new company don't know their born... They get leads passed to them all the time and do little or no self generating - yet still they moan that they don't get enough. I'm concentrating my efforts on spending as much time as possible with the positive people. I need to keep myself on a high.
I'll try to be a bit better at posting but for now... Toodle pip!
It only takes a bit of flattery to spur me into action. One nice comment and I think 'hmm, maybe I should start writing again.
I'm not going to read my last post as I reckon it will make me puke. Thinking about that bloke usually makes me feel like that. I've never been able to work out how you can go from thinking that you might just fall in love with someone to wondering how on earth you were ever attracted to them. Ever. I actually feel physically repulsed at the thought of him and then immediately after that feel guilty for feeling like that because he didn't really do anything wrong. He just drank to much. And smoked too much. And called me 'babe'. And he'd walk in to my flat and say 'put telly on babe'. I should've known then.
I blame my friends. They're always saying 'oh give him a chance... don't do what you normally do and find reasons for it not to work'. I'm not FINDING reasons, they are just there.
Anyway - no chance of me being a smug couply person.
Muchos good news though; I managed to land my dream job... Now all I have to do is make sure I consistently sell loads of shit (not literally shit) in order to keep it. No pressure. It means working 60 hour weeks, if not 70 but I'm hoping that it's going to be worth it. I'm in this one for the long haul.
The only trouble with working this hard is that you lose your ability to spend your time doing trivial stuff like watching TV or noodling on Facebook. Not much of a sacrifice though really.
The other thing that I find slightly irritating is that I appear to have swapped one bunch of negative colleagues for another. Seriously - the guys at my new company don't know their born... They get leads passed to them all the time and do little or no self generating - yet still they moan that they don't get enough. I'm concentrating my efforts on spending as much time as possible with the positive people. I need to keep myself on a high.
I'll try to be a bit better at posting but for now... Toodle pip!
Monday, 26 October 2009
In Danger of Becoming a Smug Couply Person
So I've (pretty much) come to terms with the fact that I am in a relationship. We've been seeing each other for like A WHOLE MONTH! Which is something of a record for me these days seeing as how he's not all like, emotionally unavailable an that.
No, this one doesn't have an ex girlfriend, or ex wife or ex anything to distract him and despite my previous panic I'm now actually enjoying being his 'girlfriend'. I even bought him a toothbrush. Now how's that for commitment?
The only thing I AM worried about is that I was on the phone to my single friend the other night (the one that I always used to complain to about the damn happy couply people with) and I started saying all the things that I used to hate. Like; 'it won't be like this forever, I never thought I'd meet anyone and then low and behold I met N in a place where I never thought I'd meet anyone' and 'no, if it's not right kick him to the curb... you need to be with someone who you KNOW is right - even if he doesn't tick all your boxes'.
I used to get so pissed off with people for saying that kind of thing. I'd think - 'how the hell do you know?! I could be on my own forever'. And now here I am throwing caution to the wind like all those other crazy fools that I've criticised in the past.
But you know what? N looks after me. He wants to help me out. He doesn't put me down or make me feel bad (even when I accidentally throw red wine all over his favorite shirt). He makes me feel good about being me and like maybe I may have a future with someone.
I checked in with my friend to make sure I wasn't being unbearable and she said not. I'm glad. I hope she'll tell me if I get like that.
And you know what? I'm just going to enjoy this feeling.
Now if I can just stop him going on about my biological clock....
No, this one doesn't have an ex girlfriend, or ex wife or ex anything to distract him and despite my previous panic I'm now actually enjoying being his 'girlfriend'. I even bought him a toothbrush. Now how's that for commitment?
The only thing I AM worried about is that I was on the phone to my single friend the other night (the one that I always used to complain to about the damn happy couply people with) and I started saying all the things that I used to hate. Like; 'it won't be like this forever, I never thought I'd meet anyone and then low and behold I met N in a place where I never thought I'd meet anyone' and 'no, if it's not right kick him to the curb... you need to be with someone who you KNOW is right - even if he doesn't tick all your boxes'.
I used to get so pissed off with people for saying that kind of thing. I'd think - 'how the hell do you know?! I could be on my own forever'. And now here I am throwing caution to the wind like all those other crazy fools that I've criticised in the past.
But you know what? N looks after me. He wants to help me out. He doesn't put me down or make me feel bad (even when I accidentally throw red wine all over his favorite shirt). He makes me feel good about being me and like maybe I may have a future with someone.
I checked in with my friend to make sure I wasn't being unbearable and she said not. I'm glad. I hope she'll tell me if I get like that.
And you know what? I'm just going to enjoy this feeling.
Now if I can just stop him going on about my biological clock....
Sunday, 4 October 2009
The Rise and Rise of the Commitmentophobe
Well I met a boy (man really), not on the internet but in real life and well - he's pretty keen. We get on really well, I fancy him, he fancies me but... Why is there always a but?
Despite the fact that I do really like him and I think the relationship has 'potential' (he knows how to discuss politics and he can spell and stuff) I still have this niggle... I'm scared of losing my freedom; my independence.
It's not that I think that all of a sudden he's going to stop me going out and seeing my mates and stuff like that; he doesn't strike me as the type. I'm scared of having to consider someone else. At all. Selfish aren't I?
We were talking last night (during a night in watching Strictly - how couply is that?!), chatting about family and so on and he said 'you'll have to meet my mum soon'. I can only imagine from his reaction that a look of sheer panic passed across my face because the next thing he said was 'have I said the wrong thing?'. What is UP with me?! Why does that freak me out so much - surely if you want to be in a relationship all that family meeting stuff is just par for the course..
I think my problem with it is that once you meet the family there is a certain level of expectation; from them, from you, and of the relationship. Or am I just freaking myself out? I think I may be.
So now I'm doing what I always do by thinking that if I'm having doubts then maybe it's not right. But I ALWAYS do that. And he's great - there is no reason that it shouldn't work apart from me being an idiot. I need to get my friends to sort me out I reckon.
Despite the fact that I do really like him and I think the relationship has 'potential' (he knows how to discuss politics and he can spell and stuff) I still have this niggle... I'm scared of losing my freedom; my independence.
It's not that I think that all of a sudden he's going to stop me going out and seeing my mates and stuff like that; he doesn't strike me as the type. I'm scared of having to consider someone else. At all. Selfish aren't I?
We were talking last night (during a night in watching Strictly - how couply is that?!), chatting about family and so on and he said 'you'll have to meet my mum soon'. I can only imagine from his reaction that a look of sheer panic passed across my face because the next thing he said was 'have I said the wrong thing?'. What is UP with me?! Why does that freak me out so much - surely if you want to be in a relationship all that family meeting stuff is just par for the course..
I think my problem with it is that once you meet the family there is a certain level of expectation; from them, from you, and of the relationship. Or am I just freaking myself out? I think I may be.
So now I'm doing what I always do by thinking that if I'm having doubts then maybe it's not right. But I ALWAYS do that. And he's great - there is no reason that it shouldn't work apart from me being an idiot. I need to get my friends to sort me out I reckon.
Tuesday, 22 September 2009
50/50
Well the meeting went well. Thanks for your messages of support. I think it will be between me and another dealer and I should know within the next two weeks so keep everything crossed for me until then please!
I still haven't quite got over the representative from our partner company (who A also asked to mentor me) telling me that if I can't have a relationship without arguing then I have issues that I may need some 'help' to work out. Erm.. Thanks love - I need your help to sell into the corporate market. If I want relationship advice I'll write to Dear Deirdre.
I can't understand why so many people in my work-life are so obsessed with me finding a man. Yeah it'd be nice, but I'm not losing any sleep over it so why should they? I keep getting people telling me that it would 'stabilise' me. I'm not unstable! Piss off!
Had a good chat with A after the meeting too; there are lots of opportunities presenting themselves at work at the moment and I think I just have to bide my time and hopefully one that fits me will come along. Or - they'll just keep promoting my colleagues.
I still haven't quite got over the representative from our partner company (who A also asked to mentor me) telling me that if I can't have a relationship without arguing then I have issues that I may need some 'help' to work out. Erm.. Thanks love - I need your help to sell into the corporate market. If I want relationship advice I'll write to Dear Deirdre.
I can't understand why so many people in my work-life are so obsessed with me finding a man. Yeah it'd be nice, but I'm not losing any sleep over it so why should they? I keep getting people telling me that it would 'stabilise' me. I'm not unstable! Piss off!
Had a good chat with A after the meeting too; there are lots of opportunities presenting themselves at work at the moment and I think I just have to bide my time and hopefully one that fits me will come along. Or - they'll just keep promoting my colleagues.
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